Burning Bridges (Don't Do It)
Last week I returned home to Pittsburgh after spending a week in Dallas, Texas alongside Lost Tribe Esports as we engaged over 3,000 teenagers with a full esports gaming arena, as well as other great experiences with some of the best esports industry experts. This was a special work-trip for me as it was in some ways my “return” with BBYO, the leading pluralistic Jewish teen movement aspiring to involve more Jewish teens in more meaningful Jewish experiences. I spent my teenage years as a BBYO member who took advantage of some wonderful experiences that helped to shape me into who I am today. Earlier in my career, I spent close to 5 years as an employee of BBYO in both Nashville, TN & Pittsburgh, PA. Spending a week in Dallas at BBYO International Convention (IC) 2020 was great to not only engage with so many teens and network with phenomenal professionals, but I got to interact with friends and former colleagues that I had spent such a major portion of my life with.
Towards the end of my first day in Dallas, I was approached by the CEO of BBYO, Matt Grossman. I had a great relationship with Matt during my time as an employee but had not seen him since he came to support my Jewish community in Pittsburgh after the tragedy at my synagogue, Tree of Life, on October 27th, 2018. After that incident Matt contacted me immediately to see how I was doing and to let me know he wanted to see me when he was in town. At that point I hadn’t worked for BBYO for over 8 months. At IC Matt came up to me to give me a hug & welcome me to IC as a partner of BBYO. We caught up for a bit and I told Matt that it was “great to be back with everyone”. Matt quickly responded to me saying, “you never left”. This stuck with me and I’ve been thinking about that conversation since. I left my role with BBYO in February 2018 to pursue other career opportunities and though I have not been a BBYO employee for 2 years, there is a true sense of “place” knowing that the CEO of the largest Jewish youth organization in the world still considers me to be a part of the BBYO family.
Of course, this got me thinking about the perfect blog topic….
WAY too often in my career I have heard horror stories of people burning bridges with their former employers, network connections, potential employers and everything in-between. I ask why? Why do some professionals burn bridges? Why do some professionals leave a role and immediately only speak poorly of their experiences rather than what they learned? Why do some professionals speak so poorly about former colleagues and supervisors? Why do some people speak so poorly of a company that decided not to hire them? What is the gain in doing that? Why can’t someone move-on in a smooth and peaceful manner?
What does it mean to “burn a bridge”? Urban Dictionary defines burning a bridge in 3 ways:
1) The act of unpleasantly and permanently ending relations with another person, or an organization.
2) To act harshly/disgracefully upon leaving a situation to ensure that you will not be welcomed back.
3) To cut off the way upon which you came from, making it impossible to return or retreat.
I came across a tweet the other day that was just so bad I didn’t want to show it. I couldn’t believe it was real. Sadly, it was. It was from someone claiming to be an “HR Professional” and stated “Do not give your job a two weeks’ notice! They don’t give you a two week’s notice when they fire you”. Even worse, some of the replies to this tweet were people actually agreeing with the person.
Let me give you some of the best advice you’ve never asked for. Do not follow that persons lead. This is the perfect way to burn a bridge, destroy your professional reputation and can severely impact you down the road in a negative fashion. It’s a pretty safe bet to generally live under the assumption that everybody has a connection to everybody. It’s 2020 and the power of the internet is stronger than it has ever been. If you burn a bridge now, chances are it will eventually come back to bite you at some point.
In my professional career I have had 3 full-time employers, as well as various internships through college and other part-time roles. Did I love every single role I was in? No, BUT as I have journeyed through my career I have attempted to learn a lesson along the way in every role. Have I loved my bosses and become best friends with all of them? No, but I respected all of them and have kept in touch in some manner since I never know when life will bring us together once again. Have I had negative experiences while going through a hiring process for a role that I ended up not getting a job offer for? Absolutely, but it never hurts to keep in touch with hiring managers, even if to stay connected on LinkedIn rather than blasting them publicly.
Did your parents/guardians ever tell you, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? The same applies to your professional life, if not more.
Are there exceptions?
I struggle with this question as someone who values relationships and professional reputation with such high regard that I cringe thinking about an exception to burning a bridge, but I am human and I get it. Certainly there may be exceptions to permanently ending your relationship with a person or business. Were there legal issues? Was your integrity questioned with an ethical dilemma? Sure, there are some unfortunate real-life situations that give you no choice. However, it is all about the manner in which you move forward. Be considerate of the way you carry yourself following a separation from a role or colleague. Is it necessary to publicly shame your experience with a social media post or are you better off removing your “connection” online? Sometimes it is ok to let karma do its job and move on. OF COURSE you should always handle legal issues responsibly (filing a report to HR or the proper authorities when necessary).
I’ve been there. I am FAR from perfect. I have had some rough experiences in my professional life but I have done everything in my power to keep learning and move forward when the opportunity has presented itself. I have had to hold back from publicly sharing my thoughts in different situations but I knew that at the end of the day it was never worth it. The only person you need to truly focus on is yourself. If presented with a bad situation, ask yourself "how am I going to learn & move-on from this situation?”. Don’t worry about taking others down with you as it will reflect poorly on you in most situations, even if that is not the goal. Prioritize yourself and let the world do its job for those who deserve it.
Do you disagree? Do you think it is ok to burn a bridge in more situations? The best part of life is that people don’t always have to agree with you. You are allowed to (respectfully) disagree with me. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences of either: burning a bridge or keeping yourself from doing so. Contact me today!
- Andrew